Only those who act with a clear Ex-Back Strategy, also has a realistic prospect of his / n ex actually recover. Therefore, we would like to present to you one of the important basic psychological concepts that can increase the chances of success significantly in many situations: the contact barrier.
As the name implies, it comes in contact barrier to getting a long time to adjust the contact with the ex-partner completely. This sounds but much easier than it actually is. In practice, there are many things to consider, the devil is, as they say, in detail. Key issues in incommunicado are:
How do I forward a contact lock properly?
How long should a contact ban?
What do I do if my / e ex contacted me away from behaving during the contact barrier?
If a contact ban the right psychological resources for my personal case?
How do I know that the time is right to end the ban on contact?
How do I contact after the lock back in touch with my / m ex on?
How do I ensure that my / e ex not forget me during the contact ban?
How do I contact a lock when I lived with my / m Ex or -arbeite?
Anticipation, we emphasize that the answers to these questions on specific features depend on your situation. All the typical separation situations so we also deal in our Practical Guide where we explain how an ex-back strategy should be adjusted according to the separation situation.
Question 1: How do I forward a contact lock properly?
The goal of a contact ban is to have no contact with the ex-spouse for a period of time. Where: The faster you have no more contact, the better. In principle, therefore, applies to set the contact as soon as possible after the date X completely.
However, the loss of contact should not rude, insulting or "bitchy" come over. So if you, for example, have agreed with your ex-partner that he still comes to pick up something from you in the morning or that you have to send any documents, you should still do just before you abort the contact then complete the well.
But you should not take longer than a maximum of about one week until you have the contact demolition fully initiated.
Important: A ban on contact should never be announced except in certain rare exceptions. When you say your / m ex Communication "You, I will now only times no longer report a few weeks with you." They destroy all of surprise. Let your pondering / n ex dear, why he or she no longer stops again from you.
Question 2: How long should a contact ban?
There is no clear answer as to how long a contact barrier must take exactly. As mentioned above, the duration depends on your case-specific characteristics. In general, a limit of 2-8 weeks is a good target. In special cases, but may also be necessary for a longer period of time. It is important that you not be misled by your emotions, your fear and your heartache to the contact ban early to finish at an inappropriate time.
Question 3: What do I do if my / e ex contacted me away from behaving during the contact barrier?
That all depends on how, when, and with what intentions your / e ex contacted.
Scenario 1:
Her ex-partner reports only out of necessity (eg because it documents needs, wishes to collect his things with you, etc.)
You have in this case two possibilities: Either you do not respond (if your / e ex has been reported by written message), or you can respond and keep in touch friendly, but short and distant.
Scenario 2:
Her ex-partner says unannounced "Hello" or asks how are you.
In this case, the intentions of your ex-partner is crucial: Has he again a serious, sincere interest in, he would just be friendly or has any other reasons that have nothing to do with feelings for you, in mind?
If your ex in his message shown any interest to you, then you need to consider if you answer at all. We can give you at this point unfortunately no recommendation as to whether you should answer or not because that depends even more on individual factors. If you answer, then you should with a time lag of at least a few hours, calm but also a whole day to do. For more than a day you should not let pass, because your behavior then comes across rather silly and immature.
If true feelings for you behind the message of your ex-partner, so you can still answer, but it should be "fidget". Wait here a little, until you reply to the message and be kind to leave without recognizing that you are still interested. If in doubt, do a little uninterested.
Scenario 3:
You run your / m Ex bump into each other (in the city, at a party, etc.).
Greet friendly in such a case, but without looking up a conversation. Try to just move on. Turn on no account to your / m ex around and you do not run after him.
If your / Ex e by itself tries to talk, so be friendly but distant. Communicate that you are doing very well and that you have a full life. Do not touch your / n ex and end the conversation deliberately after 1-2 minutes. Just say "Bye" without a hug. If your / e Ex seek hug or a kiss on the cheek by itself, so you put as few emotions in this gesture and keep the duration as short as possible.
Question 4: Is a ban on contact for my case the correct psychological means?
Again, once more everything depends on your situation. The alternative to a ban on contact is the so-called. Changeover contact strategy. In a changeover contact strategy, you reduce the contact only. On some days off contact one or more days follow with contact.
Which of these two strategies you should follow, unfortunately, is completely case-specific: Does your / e specifically requested to be left you alone? Then, a contact ban is the right strategy. Does your ex-partner in the past complained that you do not have time for it, only at work or only with your friends wherever you are? Then, a ban on contact your ex-partner would only confirm in his arguments and exchange contact ban would be the better strategy.
We hope to have given you an insight into the psychological means of the contact barrier. As you have read in the introduction, there are many more questions and important details related to the contact barrier. All these questions, and the strategy for your own personal case, the best choice is we explain in our Ex-Back-emergency assistance package and in Ex Back Complete Package, where we deal with all the typical separation situations.
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